


My Bones Won't Hold Me Up

by TheGirlInThePinkScarf



Category: Baseball RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Blackmail, Boston Red Sox, M/M, Sex Tape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 05:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20204713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlInThePinkScarf/pseuds/TheGirlInThePinkScarf
Summary: While his team plays in the World Series, Rick Porcello has to deal with being blackmailed over a sex tape that he made nine years ago.





	My Bones Won't Hold Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged this as AU- no girlfriends/no wives although technically Chris is going through a divorce in this fic.
> 
> This isn’t my typical fic tone wise because it’s a little heavier on the angst, but I tried to make the ending as optimistic as I could.
> 
> Warnings: Brief mentions of degrading sex that ventures into some dub con territory. This is why I rated it M. Other than that, there are no sex scenes.
> 
> I hope that you all will enjoy!

* * *

_I can't go face the world_

_My bones won't hold me up_

_ **Someone Who Loves Me- Sara Bareilles** _

* * *

It feels like Rick responds to a hundred messages after the Sox beat the Astros in the ALCS. He’s almost on autopilot as he thanks his family and friends for their support and complimentary words. He decides to check one more message before he puts his phone down and joins his teammates in celebration. Rick doesn’t recognize the number, so he assumes it’s probably one of his distant relatives, a former teammate, or maybe someone that he hasn’t talked to since high school. The message has a video attached with the words, “Remember this?”

He presses the play button and he immediately recognizes what the video is despite having his volume turned down. The dimly lit video is three minutes of a sex tape that he made while he was in the Florida State League before his call up to the Majors. He feels like throwing up as he watches the first thirty seconds. Rick hasn’t thought about the video in several years, despite the fact that he has a full version of it still saved. He hasn’t told a single person about it, so he assumes the message is from the person who filmed and participated in the sex tape with him. Rick can’t even respond to the text; he just puts his phone in his pocket as he sneaks out of the clubhouse.

* * *

After about twenty minutes, Rick figures that his teammates must realize that he’s missing. He has a few missed calls from Chris and Sandy. Someone leaves him an incoherent voicemail in Spanish. His eyes are supposed to be burning from champagne showers and his clothes should be gross and sticky from the celebration. Instead, he’s panicking about the biggest mistake of his life possibly being revealed to the world. Porcello’s not naïve enough to think that text was anything but a threat.

He’s way too anxious to fall asleep, but he’s exhausted so he still takes off his shirt and puts on a pair of pajama pants. He closes his eyes, but that only makes things worse. There’s a knock at his door and he wants to ignore it. The knocks get louder so he decides to just get it over with and open it. He’s not surprised to see that it’s Chris. He has a six pack of beer in his hands. Before Rick can tell him that he wants to be left alone, Sale makes his way into his room. He doesn’t have the energy to ask him to leave, so he doesn’t.

“What’s wrong?” Chris asks.

Rick shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Is it something personal or did we do something to piss you off?” Chris wonders.

“It’s personal, it has nothing to do with you guys. I promise,” Rick assures him.

“Well if it’s not something you can fix now, why don’t you have a beer or two with me and try to forget about it?” Chris suggests.

* * *

Rick definitely starts to worry less after he’s had his third beer. Chris tells him about all the funny things that he missed. They guess that it was probably Vazquez who left him the drunk voicemail. Sale admits that everyone was worried about him and that it was Sandy’s idea to send him to Rick’s room. He apologizes for making them worry. He can’t hold back the tears that have been wanting to fall ever since he opened that text. Chris wipes away his best friend’s tears before he wraps his arms around him. He knows that Rick will open up to him when he’s ready. His priority right now is just doing his best to comfort him.

“God, I’m sorry for crying and for—”

Chris gently places a finger over Rick’s lips. “Shh, it’s ok. You don’t ever have to apologize for crying, ok?”

“I don’t want to be alone. Can you stay with me tonight?” Rick asks.

“Of course,” Chris answers.

* * *

Rick doesn’t tell Chris or anyone else about the text. He didn’t even respond to it and he hasn’t received another one. The sex tape hasn’t been leaked anywhere, so he does his best to forget about it. He has a world series start to worry about and that’s where Rick wants to put all of his energy. This is the biggest game of his life and he wants to put his team up 3 games against the Dodgers. He meets with Christian and he does everything else that he normally does before a start. He stretches, he eats, and he does his best to focus 100% on baseball instead of his personal life.

* * *

After eighteen innings, seven hours and twenty minutes, Rick is beyond tired after the game. He doesn’t really feel like responding to texts, but he makes sure to reply to his parents and his brothers. Right before he puts his phone back in his pocket, he notices another text from the same unknown number that sent him the snippet of his sex tape. He doesn’t want to read it, but he knows that he has to. Everyone’s busy packing their things and getting ready to head back to the hotel, so no one’s paying attention to him. Porcello takes a deep breath before he opens it. His stomach sinks as he reads it:

**how much do u think TMZ will pay me for the video? r u willing to pay me more?**

* * *

“I have a sex tape,” Rick blurts out.

“I’m sorry, you have a _what_?” Chris asks.

“I made a dumb decision and I agreed to make one when I was twenty. It was while I was still in the Florida State League before I got called up,” Rick explains.

“Oh, shit. Are you being blackmailed or something?” Chris wants to know.

Rick nods. “Yeah and I don’t know what to do.”

“Sex tapes aren’t that big of a scandal anymore, right? Would it be the end of the world if it got out?” Chris wonders.

“It’s me and another guy,” Rick quietly admits.

“_Oh_. Well that uh . . . does complicate things a little bit,” Chris replies.

“You don’t have to pretend that you don’t _know_. I hear the whispers and I see the looks I get when you guys start talking about sex with women. It’s an open secret in the clubhouse that I’m gay,” Rick says.

“You never said anything, so I never asked. It wasn’t my place, even as your best friend, to ask you something so personal,” Chris responds.

“You’re like the only one I truly trust with this information. I couldn’t keep it quiet anymore because I’m freaking out about this sex tape situation,” Rick comments.

“Who’s the guy that you made the tape with?” Chris asks.

Rick shrugs. “Some guy that I met in Lakeland after a game, I don’t even remember his name. I was such a fucking idiot.”

“Wait, he’s from Lakeland? I might know him or I might know someone who does. I would have to . . . see the tape in order to—”

“No, absolutely not! You can’t see it, I don’t want anyone to _ever _see it!” Rick exclaims.

“I’m sorry, Rick. I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just trying to help,” Chris apologizes.

“No, you’re right. I’m just really ashamed. I hate that the dumbest thing I’ve ever done was caught on video,” Rick explains.

* * *

Rick hands Chris his phone and he warns him that the video is pretty graphic. He faces away from his best friend because he doesn’t want to see the disgusting looks that he’s sure will be on Sale’s face. Not only does Porcello not want to be outed, he especially doesn’t want it to happen because of this video being leaked. He finally lets out the breath that he has been holding as Chris presses play. The volume is up, so Rick knows what’s going on in the video even though he’s not watching it.

There’s a close-up of Rick’s face as the guy roughly fucks his mouth. Chris can tell just fifteen seconds in that Rick wasn’t enjoying himself. The guy didn’t slow down when he noticed tears rolling down Rick’s cheeks. He just told him how pretty that he looked and how he couldn’t wait to cum on his face. He called Porcello a “dirty slut” who must enjoy being used by strangers. It’s extremely uncomfortable for Sale to watch, but he continues on. There are more insults and even a slap to Rick’s face at one point during the video. When it clearly looked like Rick wanted to stop, the guy encouraged him to keep going. Chris turns off the video because he can’t stomach watching any more of it.

“I want to find him and kill him,” Chris comments.

“That would create more problems than it would solve,” Rick jokes.

“No, I’m serious. He’s a piece of shit and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. There was one good shot of his face and I don’t know him. I’ll take a screenshot of that smug bastard and I promise I’ll figure out who he is, ok? That asshole won’t get away with violating you again,” Chris guarantees.

“Thanks, Chris. For everything,” Rick sincerely tells him.

Chris softly runs his fingers through Rick’s hair. “You’re my best friend, I’ll do anything for you.”

“I’m surprised you can even look at me after watching that. I feel so disgusted with myself,” Rick whispers.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I could see in your eyes how scared you were and I don’t blame you one bit for feeling that way. He’s a monster not just for what he did to you, but for filming it. I have a feeling you didn’t really say yes to him of your own volition. I’m so sorry that you’re having to relive this,” Chris says.

Neither of them is sure how they end up so close to each other. Their faces are only inches apart and Porcello’s practically in Sale’s lap. Chris moves his hand from Rick’s hair to his cheek. He just rests his hand there until Rick shivers from the intimate contact. He doesn’t think the spark he’s currently feeling is exactly one-sided, but he’s also not sure if Sale is legitimately into him. Rick tries to create a little distance between them, but Chris pulls him back in. He brings their lips together in a super soft kiss. Porcello’s too shocked to do anything but patiently let Chris take the lead. The kiss is hesitant and sweet, almost chaste in a way. Rick can tell that it’s his best friend’s first time kissing another man.

“I should have asked if that was ok,” Chris realizes.

“I wanted it, I just wasn’t sure if you did,” Rick responds.

“I feel like I picked the worst possible time to kiss you. We're in the middle of the world series and we’re both going through shit in our personal lives right now,” Chris explains.

“It was just one kiss. How about we agree to keep things strictly platonic until we're ready to deal with whatever _this_ is,” Rick suggests.

“Good idea,” Chris says.

* * *

“Are you massaging my arm?” Chris asks.

“Yeah. Just because you’re not starting tomorrow doesn’t mean you won’t pitch,” Rick answers.

“This is true,” Chris agrees.

“Also I’m nervous and I don’t know what to do with my hands,” Rick admits.

“We’re one game away from winning the world series, it almost doesn’t seem real,” Chris says.

Rick talks about how the taste of losing a world series with Detroit is still fresh and that he wants so badly to finally win one. He continues to gently rub Sale’s left arm all the way down to his wrist. It’s completely platonic in nature, but the hairs on the back of his arms still stand up from Porcello’s touch. They’re both too anxious to sleep and they’re not in any rush to separate from each other. There’s so much going on between trying to find Rick’s blackmailer and Chris and his wife being separated. They find rare peace amidst the chaos when they’re spending nights together like this.

“This is nice,” Chris says.

“The massage?” Rick asks.

“Well, yes. I wasn’t talking about that though,” Chris explains.

Rick laughs. “I know. I just like messing with you.”

“Way to ruin the moment,” Chris jokes.

“I have a feeling that we’ll have more moments,” Rick tells him.

* * *

Watching Sale get the last three outs of the world series is the most incredible thing to Porcello. Rick’s so overcome with joy that he doesn’t even try to stop the tears that are falling from his eyes. The next hour is a blur of Rick hugging his family and teammates, doing interviews, and finally making it into the visitor’s clubhouse. His high from winning the world series starts to wane as reality sets in. Chris was purposefully vague about the plan to catch his blackmailer, so he has no idea what’s going on with the situation.

He just hopes that it’s finally over because living in constant fear about his sex tape getting out and the ensuing aftermath isn’t good for his health. His entire life would be turned upside down if he were outed. He doesn’t know how he’d face the world; he doesn’t even know if he’d be able to. Rick has sacrificed freedom, love, and just about everything else in order to pursue his baseball dream. He can’t stand the thought of it all ending this way. His thoughts are interrupted when he sees Chris walking toward him. Rick’s heart beats irregularly and his palm starts to sweat as he gets closer to him.

“Come with me,” Chris says.

He offers his hand and Porcello takes it automatically. He doesn’t even ask where he’s taking him because he trusts Sale that much. He leads him to the hallway outside of the clubhouse entrance which is deserted by now. Their teammates’ voices can still be heard and so can the music that’s playing, but it’s still much quieter than being inside. Chris still has his hat on backwards and his extremely wet t-shirt is clinging to his skin. Rick also notices that he hasn’t let go of his hand. He isn’t sure if this means he should prepare himself to receive some bad news or not. Chris uses his other hand to slowly caress Porcello’s jawline.

“My sister just called with good news,” Chris whispers.

“Your plan worked?” Rick asks.

“It did! He deleted every copy of the file and he won’t be bothering you anymore. We made sure of that,” Chris tells him.

Rick’s so relieved that all he can do is cry a little as he pulls Sale in for a tight hug. Chris gently strokes Rick’s scalp as they embrace for a few minutes. He uses his thumbs to wipe his best friend’s tears away when they pull apart. Porcello drapes his arms around Chris’ neck and Chris doesn’t remove his hands from Rick’s face. The distance between them quickly disappears as they simultaneously inch closer to each other. Rick takes control of the kiss this time. There’s no second guessing or hesitance with Rick’s movements because he knows exactly what he wants. He kisses Chris with such intensity and desperation, almost as if he’s afraid he’ll never get to taste his mouth again.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” Chris whispers against his lips.

“Want to go to my room where it’s more private?” Rick offers.

Chris bites his lip. “As tempting as that offer is, now isn’t the right time.”

“You’re right. We’ve both been drinking a little bit and you’re technically still married. So yeah, bad time,” Rick agrees.

* * *

Rick _does_ end up nude on the internet at the end of the night, but thankfully it’s because of a naked cannonball and not because his sex tape got released. He’s probably drunker than he has ever been, but he has also never felt happier. Being outed is always something that weighs heavily on Rick, but it’s not something he’s currently thinking about. Right now he’s just thoroughly enjoying celebrating the world series win with his teammates. Tonight he gets to focus on being Rick Porcello the baseball player, 2016 AL Cy Young Award winner, and now a world series champion. He can think about if he ever wants to present himself to the world as Rick Porcello the gay man on another day.

* * *

It’s never a chore escaping winter in New Jersey and heading down to Florida early for spring training. Rick always looks forward to seeing Chris, but it’s a little different this time. They have been texting over the offseason, more than they have in past years. Instead of telling Sale when he’s arriving, Porcello decides to surprise him. Chris has a warm smile on his face when he opens his door and he sees Rick standing on his porch. He grabs his suitcase as he invites his best friend inside his home. They immediately embrace each other and it’s way more intimate than a quick “good job” bro hug after a game.

“Well, this is a nice surprise,” Chris says.

“I probably should have let you know that I was coming instead of just making an impulsive decision to jump on a plane,” Rick replies.

“It’s fine, you’re always welcome here. I was just getting ready to make dinner, are you hungry?” Chris asks.

“Yeah. I could eat,” Rick responds.

* * *

“Try this salsa that I’m making. Sandy gave me the recipe,” Chris tells him.

Rick licks the spoon. “Mmm, that’s good.”

Rick hops on the counter next to the stove and he watches Chris finish up the salsa before cooking the steak for their tacos. It’s comfortably domestic. It’s almost _too _comfortable for Porcello. He can easily see himself spending nights alone with Chris like this. Sale pulls out a bottle of wine and Rick feels even more at home in his presence. He knows that starting anything with a teammate is a notoriously bad idea. There are way too many things that could go wrong for both of them. He has never made a move on a teammate in the past because the cons have always outweighed the pros.

“You zoned out there on me for a minute. Are you ok?” Chris checks.

“I’m trying to think about something other than how much I want to kiss you right now,” Rick blurts out.

“I’m a divorced man now, so . . . ”

Rick bites his lip. “I know. The problem is that if I kiss you, I may never want to stop. I couldn’t have just a casual one night thing with you, Chris. I’d want _more_, so many more things that aren’t practical for us to have. It’s probably safer if we don’t act on our feelings.”

Chris gently touches Rick’s knee. “I completely understand.”

* * *

After enjoying tacos and ice cream, they decide to watch a movie together. Rick starts out on the opposite end of the couch, but he ends up only a few inches away from Sale half-way through the movie. He gets even closer when he asks Chris if they can share his blanket. Porcello ends up resting his head onto Sale’s shoulder. Chris can’t resist the urge to caress Rick’s scalp. A light moan escapes Rick’s lips and suddenly neither of them are focused on the movie anymore. His hands move down to Rick’s neck and shoulders. He gently massages the tense muscles there. If it were anyone but Sale’s hands on him, this little impromptu massage would feel neutral. With Chris, it feels like foreplay.

“Do you want me to stop?” Chris whispers.

“I don’t _want _you to, but . . . ”

Chris kisses him on the forehead. “I’ll stop. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Every part of me wants you, Chris. I’m just still shaken up from the sex tape situation. I know it has been four months, but I’m still afraid that I could be outed at any time if I’m not careful,” Rick explains.

“You walk around with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You desperately need to take a load off. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? Maybe talking to someone who’s sworn to secrecy would benefit you. You might even get some helpful advice from them,” Chris suggests.

“Opening up to people isn’t exactly my strong suit. I’ve kept people at arm’s length my entire life as a defense mechanism. God, I really do need therapy, huh?” Rick realizes.

“I went to couple’s therapy before my divorce and it helped a lot,” Chris tells him.

Rick looks confused. “But you still got divorced though.”

“Our goal was never to save our marriage, that ship had sailed; it was about saving our personal relationship. It was figuring out how we could co-parent in the best way for our children. It helped me self-reflect, too,” Chris adds.

“Thanks for the suggestion and for everything, really. You’re honestly the best friend that I’ve ever had,” Rick lets him know.

* * *

“I’m fine, Chris. I promise,” Rick tells him.

“You got hit on the side of the head tonight. It scared the shit out of me,” Chris admits.

“I was scared watching the ball come my way, but somehow I’m magically ok,” Rick assures him.

“Concussion symptoms don’t always–”

Rick cuts him off with a chaste kiss. “You’re cute when you’re worried, but stop worrying.”

“Do you kiss all of your friends when you want them to shut up?” Chris jokes.

“Only the really tall, skinny ones,” Rick quips.

“Don’t make me blush,” Chris responds.

Rick caresses Sale’s cheek. “You know I love you, right? I wish things were different so that I could really show you.”

“Yeah, I know. MLB and society in general just aren’t ready to accept two current teammates dating each other,” Chris says with a sigh.

“If we’re both single when we retire like ten years from now, maybe then this could work,” Rick says.

“Maybe then,” Chris agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to hug Rick the whole time while I was writing this!
> 
> I re-wrote this ending so many times because I think my original versions were a little too depressing. 
> 
> I’d love to hear your thoughts in a comment!
> 
> I wrote an [ outline ](https://chris-sales-belly-ring.tumblr.com/post/186945221831/so-you-left-the-door-open-for-rick-and-chris-being) of what a sequel would look like if you're interested in how their relationship ends!


End file.
